


Never Going Back Again

by MythicalCatie



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 15:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15122279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythicalCatie/pseuds/MythicalCatie
Summary: Derek Shepherd and Mark Sloan were destined to be together from the day they were born. They denied it for years, but after a tragic loss or two, they reevaluate their stance and give love one more try.





	Never Going Back Again

Mark was quiet as he held Derek’s wrist in his hand and traced the tattoo on it with his index finger. He knew what it meant to have one, to have **matching** ones. Mrs. Shepherd had explained it to them; they were **soulmates**. But sometimes, they had a hard time believing it. They were just best friends, weren’t they? How could two boys be soulmates?

“Der?” Mark asked, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah, Mark?” Derek asked back, removing his wrist from Mark’s hand and letting it fall back to his side.

Mark was a bit disappointed by the fact that Derek had shifted, but adjusted to the loss well and responded quickly. “Do you think we’ll ever get married someday?”

Derek thought about the question for a long time, wondering what the right thing to say was. To be truthful, he wasn’t sure. “I dunno. My mom said the tattoos mean we’re supposed to be together.”

“But we’re _boys_ ,” Mark countered. He had only seen girl/boy soulmates on television. Why were he and Derek different?

“My mom says that’s okay,” Derek assured, and then quoted his mother practically verbatim. “She said that television doesn’t show boy couples because society wants to under-represent us.” When he saw that Mark wasn’t quite following, he explained further. He had needed his mom to do the same. “It means they don’t show us on TV because they like boy/girl couples better.”

Mark nodded, and his face untwisted from his understandable confusion. “I don’t want to get married right now.” After all, they were still only in the fifth grade.

“She says that’s okay too. She told me that the universe will put us together when we’re ready.” After a beat, he questioned. “Do you want a snack?”

“Yes, please.”

* * *

 

“Mark, I think I love her,” Derek proclaimed, bursting into their dorm room one sunny afternoon.

Mark raised an eyebrow from his bunk, putting down his reading material only to look up at Derek and ask, “There’s thousands of hers at this school, Der. Which are you talking about?”

“Addison. Addison Montgomery,” the man clarified, beaming.

Sitting up with a groan, Mark gave Derek a look that said, _‘You dumbass.’_ “In love with her? Derek, she’d **never** go for you. It’d be a miracle to even get one half-decent date out of that chick. She’s like, the queen of the school.”

“A miracle you say?” Derek asked, and his smile was knowing, now. In his hand, he held up a ripped scrap of notebook paper with something written on it. Mark couldn’t quite make it out from his spot. “Because I have her number and I’m picking her up this Saturday night for an evening at the movie theater.”

“No shit!” Mark exclaimed, so wrapped up in the fact that Derek actually **got** the date to realize instantly what was wrong with the accomplishment itself. Springing up from his seat, he walked over and took the paper from Derek’s fingers, inspecting the numbers as if he expected them to be fake. “You’re one lucky dog.”

Derek nodded excitedly, and stole the number back quickly before putting it somewhere safe.

As Derek rifled through his drawers to find a space of safekeeping, Mark finally understood what was amiss about the situation. Derek was supposed to be with _him._ He figured it’d just take a while seeing as nothing had happened to **make** it happen. But now, he was going out with a _girl_ who definitely didn’t share their tattoo. Two to a pair, that was how it worked.

His face dropped in disappointment; he couldn’t help it, but he knew he’d have to put his grin back on the second his friend turned back around.

He tried to remember what Derek had said his mother had told him all those years ago: _“The universe will put us together when we’re ready.”_ Why did that have to mean that other people were involved before that could happen? Seeing Derek with Addison was sure to break his heart. But, he knew he couldn’t say anything about it because, _“The universe will put us together when we’re ready.”_

* * *

Mark had started to wonder whether or not he and Derek were actually soulmates. Addison and he went so well together that Mark wouldn’t be surprised if there was a mix-up with the tattoos and he had gotten Addison’s and Addison had gotten his.

In fact, they worked so well as a couple that Mark was standing up at their wedding as Derek’s best man.

Standing beside him as he wed the woman who was (at least so far, hopefully) the love of his life brought Mark pain. He knew that they were supposed to love each other, but here Derek was having fallen in love with somebody else.

Mark didn’t know what he expected. Honestly, even now, at his age, he wasn’t quite sure how soulmates worked. Was he actually supposed to try to flirt or was he supposed to wake up one morning with the spark already ignited? Would the universe place the love in his lap or did he have to work for it himself?

Mark was a good best man. He did the best that he could to push his pain aside, to internalize it and make Derek and Addie’s special day, well, special.

Having run around helping all day, Mark went through the motions at the ceremony and gave a beautiful speech at the reception. Derek called it the best best man speech he had heard in his life, and they both knew damn well that it was the **only** best man speech he had heard in his life. Addie’s opinion, on the other hand, was of more value seeing as he had gone to more weddings. He decided to base it off of what she had said, which was of course a glowing review.

He had never been happier to go home than he was after that wedding had ended. He was happy, surely, for Derek, who had just married somebody he truly loved, and for Addison, who had just gotten a great catch as a husband, but with that came doubt. Should he have made a move while he still had the chance, or was this all just a waiting game? Was it even his game to play in the first place?

* * *

Twelve anniversaries of Derek and Addison’s came and went, and in that time, Mark had found love, too. Naturally, he felt guilty for it, but he had to take the chance in case he was right about not being Derek’s soulmate after all. Sometimes, the universe made mistakes. It happened, and it could have happened to them.

Derek was best man at Mark’s wedding to Alexandra “Lexie” Grey. He made sure that everything ran smoothly and gave a gorgeous speech at the end of it all, and he showed them off to an even more gorgeous honeymoon when all was said and done.

Mark was sure he should feel guilty about marrying Lexie. What if there **wasn’t** a mixup and he and Derek were supposed to have been together this whole time? Why hadn’t the universe put them together yet? They’d been waiting for years.

But, of course, he shouldn’t feel bad. Derek had Addison and he should have somebody, too. He **deserved** to have somebody, too. It was just a hard concept to wrap his head around, not being with somebody who the whole _world_ said they were **meant** to be with.

Lexie was a good woman. She was smart, funny, pretty, and she loved him dearly. They had the greatest adventures together, and they loved every second. He wouldn’t trade any single one of them for the entire galaxy itself. They were simply too precious. At least he wasn’t suffering without him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t curious what he was missing, what **they** were missing. But as long as he could be with _Lexie_ , he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to find out.

* * *

The universe wasn’t kind to those who didn’t fall in love with their soulmates, especially not to ones who didn’t even try.

Derek and Addison had many happy years together before the universe treated them to an unfortunate (to put it mildly) divorce, but Mark… he felt downright robbed. From Derek’s experience, he knew that it could be cruel to those select people who didn’t follow its rules, but for Lexie to **die** wasn’t just grueling for him. Addison could get over a divorce with time, but the dead don’t ever come back from it. It was **unjust** to Lexie. Because of his selfishness, or, rather, his ignorance, she perished decades before her time.

However, at least in her death, she wasn’t feeling any pain. But in the event of her passing, Mark got every single ounce of her pain and more.

Derek did his best to help his best friend through the loss of his wife. He held his hand at the funeral, and he held the rest of him as he cried and shook throughout lonely nights. He took time off from work and moved in, not only to be available for Mark at the drop of a hat, but also to take care of the chores that would pile up otherwise. He was there to make sure Mark showered, to make him his meals throughout the day (because even grieving men needed to eat), and to make sure he got to his therapy appointments on time (at all.) He did what best friends were supposed to do: carried him through the hardest time of his life.

Mark would do the same thing for him, of course. Hell, he **did** do it, if only to a lesser degree, when Derek was depressed after losing Addison. As far as Derek was concerned, all he was doing was returning the favor.

“Der,” Mark mumbled in the middle of one night. It had been months by now, but he still felt too empty to sleep in their -his- bed alone.

“Yeah, Mark?” Derek asked, the hand on Mark’s back instinctively beginning to move in order to create a comforting motion.

Mark took Derek’s free wrist in his hand and began to blindly trace the tattoo that laid there. “Do you think the universe is telling us something?” How could it not be after the disastrous ends to their relationships?

“I think so,” Derek admitted, his eyes trained on Mark even though neither of them could see each other. “I mean, we dared to marry out of what it decided for us, and look at what happened.”

“You know, you and Addison were so happy,” he began, sniffling. “I started to believe that maybe our tattoos had gotten mixed up. Maybe she had gotten mine instead of hers and that you’d, you know, ride off into the sunset and that would be that. I wanted to believe that because you deserved that happiness and… But I was wrong. She had her own all along. So did I.” Derek was about to interject with his own response, but Mark continued before he could. “I should have stopped you. I should have like… kissed you or something and sparks would fly and you wouldn’t have _wanted_ her. I wouldn’t have wanted Lex because I had you and nobody would be divorced and nobody would be dead and it all started with **me**.” He was starting to get teary-eyed again, for at least the third time that night; Derek could tell when a droplet fell on him.

Derek sighed and shook his head, an instinctive reaction rather than a practical one. It was too dark for Mark to observe, anyway. “It wasn’t your fault, Mark. I was a hormonal kid in college; I would have gone with her anyway. I wasn’t thinking with my brain. If it was anybody’s fault, it was mine. Not yours. Besides, it wasn’t the time, anyway. Remember what my mom always said? The universe will put us together when we’re ready. We just weren’t ready yet. We needed to be taught that lesson first.”

Mark paused for a long moment and thought about what Derek had just said. Then, he put a moment into his reply. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing. “Do you think we’re ready now?”

“I dunno. Do **you** feel ready?” After all, he was the one who had just lost a wife to cancer.

“No,” Mark admitted, sighing apologetically. “I still miss her.”

Derek didn’t have the heart to point out that he’d always miss her no matter how much time had passed. “Then we give it time. We wait a while. Neither of us are going anywhere, right?” Especially not following the wreckage of their prior marriages.

“You’d do that for me?” Mark asked, almost baffled at the prospect of somebody, even Derek, loving him enough to make such a sacrifice.

Derek reached his free hand around to wipe the tears off of Mark’s cheeks with his thumb. Mark was still busy tracing. At least it was keeping him relatively calm during a conversation about a tough subject.

“Of course I would. Even if you weren’t my soulmate, I’d do anything to make sure you were okay. Does that help?”

“Mhm,” he muttered, shifting closer to the man beside him. “Thanks, Derek.”

Derek smiled gently and moved his hand back to its original position, leaving his other for Mark’s purposes. “Anytime. Now, try to get some sleep.”

* * *

It wasn’t until months later that Derek and Mark went on their first date. Mark still had a long road of recovery ahead of him, and his wounds would never fully heal, but the universe was telling them something, and it was that they were destined to love each other.

They decided on dinner and a movie. That was the most low-pressure date they could think of, especially because they weren’t going anywhere fancy. They just decided to head out to Derek’s favorite pizza place and to see a movie of Mark’s choosing. As such, there wasn’t much talking, their time instead filled by chewing and an enforced silence at the theater.

Both of them were expecting the date to be awkward. After all, they had been best friends for three decades and had never made a move to promote their relationship to anything more. There was bound to be at least a few weird moments, but that wasn’t the way it happened, to their relief.

It just felt like a normal night of hanging out. The only pressure was that that they put on themselves to have a good night. But the more they felt like it was just a situation of friends having an outing, the better they got at handling the fact that it was really a date.

It was little things that made it seem more like a romantic experience. For example, Mark paid for the whole thing. They didn’t split the cost like they normally would; he had insisted on covering it. Secondly, Derek held hands with Mark at the movies. It just felt natural to him, and Mark failed to mind.

They talked all the way home about the events of the film, and it wasn’t forced and it didn’t give either of them an uneasy feeling. All they did was review their favorite and least favorite parts along with characters that they loved and those who they hated.

The only thing missing was the kiss on the doorstep of the person who was being dropped off. Instead, Mark and Derek simply went inside together and retired to their separate beds for the night. They didn’t have to rush things. They had their whole lives to be together.

* * *

Derek and Mark didn’t share their first kiss until the morning after their fourth date. It was a memory that the both of them would replay in their heads for the rest of their lives.

It wasn’t anything special objectively speaking, but it was special to them.

Derek had been making pancakes for breakfast, and Mark had come downstairs bleary-eyed and yawning. All he wanted was a huge cup of coffee and food in his stomach.

“Coffee,” he groaned as he entered the room.

“Well, good morning to you too,” Derek laughed, shaking his head before going over to the cabinet with mugs inside. Quickly, he fixed a cup just as Mark liked it, but didn’t hand it over immediately.  

Naturally, Mark reached out for the cup, and he actually _whined_ when Derek failed to produce the beverage.

“Ah, ah. Not until breakfast is ready,” Derek stated, a smirk on his face. “Try to wake up on your own first.”

“I hate you,” he mumbled, moving to take his seat at the kitchen table.

“I’m sure you do,” Derek chuckled, continuing to go about flipping pancakes onto a plate. “One minute.”

It wasn’t long before Derek came over with the plate of pancakes and Mark’s coffee. He set the plate in the middle of the table, alongside the jam, butter, and syrup toppings. Then, he placed Mark’s coffee in front of him and kissed the top of his head.

Without even realizing exactly what he was doing, Mark smiled tiredly and pulled Derek down to his level by the shirt and returned the kiss to his lips. “Thanks for the coffee,” he mumbled, and Derek tried to keep his eyes from blowing wide open.

“See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he asked, standing straight up. He was going to let Mark come to the conclusion of what he’d done on his own. “And to think you’ve been afraid of kissing me this entire time.”

Though Derek’s hadn’t, Mark’s eyes blew wide in response to hearing those words, and he was immediately wide awake. “I’m so sorry, I… I barely even realized-”

“Don’t apologize,” Derek said with a gentle smile. “Your lips are soft. I liked it.”

* * *

Their wedding was on a sunny day. It was rather small with **maybe** fifty people in attendance. It wasn’t at a church or at the courthouse or in a field somewhere. Rather, it was a destination wedding on a beach in the Maldives.

Mark had a hard time accepting that it was his wedding day. Even years later, he still felt as if he was betraying Lexie by marrying somebody else, even **if** that somebody else was his soulmate.

“This feels wrong!” Mark shouted, knocking on the guest room door of the rental house. “I can’t do this, Der!”

He knew he shouldn’t be saying that. It would certainly worry his husband-to-be, but he was panicking. His anxiety was worse; Derek’s would go away with a few words of explanation.

Derek had never opened a door faster in his life. He wasn’t ready yet, his hair unstyled and his tie not tied, his pants still on the bed waiting to be put on. However, he was as high-alert as he could get, his brain racing to find something to say in response. All he could come up with, though, was a startled, “What?! What do you mean you can’t do this?”

Mark’s cheeks were already tearstained, and he was thankful that they weren’t dripping onto his wedding clothes. He hadn’t even put those on yet. He was still in a tee shirt and shorts. “I feel like… like I’m betraying Lexie by marrying you. Her death was for **nothing** and I’m just supposed to move on like she wasn’t anything either?”

Derek sighed and shook his head, opening the door wider and stepping aside. “Come in,” he instructed. “Sit down.”

Mark nodded silently to himself and moved to take his seat on the bed. Derek crouched down in front of him, taking the other man’s hands in his.

“You’re not moving on like she was nothing, babe. You gave her more than her due time. You mourned her, you grieved, you sat vigil every night for a damn month. You gave her a gorgeous funeral, you buried her beautifully in a lovely cemetery, and you still wear your wedding ring around your neck. You did everything you could, and you’re doing everything you **can** , to remember her. And she would have wanted you to move on, hon. All that woman ever wanted was for you to be happy.” Then, staring firmly (but still kindly) into Mark’s eyes, he asked, “Do I still make you happy, Mark?”

He didn’t hesitate for even a second. “Yeah. You do.”

“Then that’s what would make Lexie happy. So, I say we get out there. We get down to that beach and we say our vows and we get a new wedding ring on your finger because Lexie would be **ecstatic** to know that you found love after her, and she’d be overjoyed to see the life that we’re starting today.”

“You sure she’s okay with it?” Mark mumbled, unable to look Derek in the eye

“Yeah. I’m sure. Does that make you feel any better?”

“Yeah, it does,” he assured, sniffling. “Thanks. I should go get dressed now, huh?”

“Only if you’re ready.” Derek had no business in rushing him. It was _their_ wedding, after all. The guests could wait a few extra minutes if need be.

“I’m ready,” he reassured Derek quietly, taking in a deep breath. “You should finish up, too. I’ll see you soon, Der.”

* * *

Mark was grateful that he wasn’t marrying a girl. He couldn’t bear the sight of another woman walking down the aisle to him in a big white dress.

Derek and he both wore suits, and they held hands as they walked down the aisle together. It was much different from his previous wedding just with those two tiny details. Though, he had to admit, the sight of **Derek** walking down the aisle to him in a big white dress would be more funny than sad.

Mark was zoned out for most of the ceremony, blocking out the same speech from the officiate that he had heard many years before. It was only when he heard the sound of Derek’s voice that he snapped out of his trance.

“Mark. I always had a feeling this day would come.” He was reciting his vows. “Even from the days where we’d trace each other’s tattoos as kids, when we weren’t sure what being soulmates really meant, I knew we had something special.” Mark barely heard the rest. It was a good thing they got a videographer, because he was too busy staring into Derek’s eyes and focusing on not throwing up to catch them all. “I’ve loved you my whole life up to this point,” he said, coming to a conclusion, “And I’m prepared to love you every single day I have left on this gorgeous Earth if you’ll have me.”

When it was Mark’s turn, he wasn’t surprised to learn that he had forgotten every single word he had meant to say. He hoped that his winging it didn’t turn out too terribly. Wasn’t speaking from the heart supposed to turn out better anyway?” There aren’t words for me to describe how much I love you. I remember being little kids and _adoring_ you, looking up to you, but that love could never compare to what I feel for you now. You’ve always been there for me, babe. For everything. You helped me through the greatest loss of my life, the death of my wife, and I never would have made it out of that without you. I was in a very dark place for a very long time and because of you, I get to stand here, living and breathing, and marry you. I get a second chance at love, at _life_ , and that’s more than I could ever ask for. Thank you. I love you.”

Derek turned to the officiate, tears in his eyes, and asked. “Can I kiss him yet? That was so sweet, I need to kiss him.”

Mark laughed, a small smile forming on his face. “Can you wait like two seconds, kid? We’re almost done.”

When it came time to say, “I do,” Derek barely made it.

“Do you, Derek Christopher Shepherd take Mark Everett Sloan-” the officiate began, being cut off before he could finish his sentence.

Derek knew what words completed the end of the sentence, and he didn’t need to hear them to know his answer. “Yes. I do.” Could he hurry up already so Mark could be his husband **now?** He knew he was supposed to be savoring the moment, but it was just so hard when he knew what he got at the end of it.

When it was Mark’s turn, he couldn’t help but do the exact same thing, except for the fact that he couldn’t even wait for his own name to be said.

“Do you, Mark Everett-”

“Yep,” he blurted, and Derek cracked up. Mark felt like passing out. Was he doing the right thing? Of course he was. It was **Derek**. “Forever.”

“All right, then. With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you married.”

Forever, Mark had said. He had loved Derek **forever** , and he’d continue for as long as he shall live. They both would.  


End file.
